Do you have a VHS tape from Blockbuster in your home or storage unit?
Has your toenail polish been chipped… for over a month?
Have you ever grown a beard on accident?
Do you have a lot of pink socks but have never purchased pink socks?
Are you unaware that elliptical machines have a resistance level setting?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions or did not feel like reading these questions you are lazy.
It’s no surprise you work in marketing, especially internet marketing. In fact, you probably carefully chose this career. Society assumes lazy people don’t bother to carefully weigh their options. As an effective lazy person you know this is far from the truth. You know the survival of your laziness depends on knowing when and where to apply intelligence and when to nuke a hot pocket.
As a lazy marketing person you know that putting effort into making smart strategic decisions now can bring you many happy days of nobody riding your…
Unlock your full potential by adopting these habits:
1. Automate EVERYTHING with Third Party Software and buy support packages. When it works you don’t have to do anything and you can take credit for the greatness. When it’s broken you don’t have to do anything and you can blame people from another company. If anyone mentions developing an in-house solution for your marketing needs stare at them until they turn to stone.
2. NEVER Talk about Automation You don’t want anyone knowing what you or your applications actually do and don’t do or how long it takes to do or not do these mysterious things beyond their comprehension. Remember, a lazy person has no spare time.
3. Don’t be Afraid to Tell ANYONE their Idea is Stupid The stupid ideas of intimidating leaders often lead to fruitless hard work on a grand scale. So be a hero and tell your boss the market for cat sweaters is already saturated.
4. ALWAYS Assume Everything Has Been Done Before And that if it hasn’t there is a good reason. There are no inventions. Only improvements. If you can’t improve it don’t waste your time. Apple Maps, anyone?
5. NEVER use Excel as a Database Do you start your car with a crank? Hello!
6. NEVER Print Anything Print immortalizes mistakes and bad ideas. Make sure everything you do is digital to minimize damage control efforts. Think 500 business cards with white-out over the phone number.
7. NEVER Trust an Intern They have tons of energy, no wisdom and will work for food. Trusting them to carry out your plans is foolish.